The first time I saw this, it stopped me in my tracks. If you really allow yourself to digest this, it has the potential to change your inner frame of reference for the rest of your life.
I was familiar with wanting change, I was familiar with trying to change. I was certainly familiar with putting in (sporadic) efforts to change. But I had never turned it around and instead of focusing on what I wanted new in my life, looked at what I was doing that was preventing the change and accepted this was a choice I was making.
It can be so deceptively simple that we overlook it. And often we choose to overlook it because it brings the responsibility back to me.
What repetitive pattern do you complain about? Oh, how you wish it were different. Why do you always end up being ………..… ? (fill in the blank). You want it to be different. You want the new, happier version to happen. Yet, honestly, do you take responsibility for the actions that perpetuate this revolving door and say, okay, I am choosing to continue to do this.
That stings, doesn’t it? I. Am. Choosing. This. Not, life keeps doing this to me. How unlucky am I. Nope, because I refuse (for whatever reason – and it’s helpful to figure this out, if you can) to change this thing, then that is actually me choosing it.
Sit with this. Repeat it silently in your mind. Please don’t go into criticism with this. That’s completely unhelpful. If that’s what you usually do i.e., berate yourself, then remember – if you continue with it, if you don’t change it, then accept that you are on some level, choosing to beat yourself up and make yourself feel like crap.